I'm really ambitious. Too ambitious maybe, but I'm not going to stop being that way. However, I've needed to make some important and necessary sacrifices lately.
My current living circumstances make everything more difficult than usual. Every-day tasks are stupidly hard and frustrating because this house we live in with my in-laws makes efficiency impossible (but that's another rant for another day).
It all got to be more than I could handle. So something had to give, and it had to be my footprint in the blogosphere. It makes me sad because I love blogging and reading about others' projects and lives. I really enjoy that. But I'm not about to neglect my son or husband. So I've had to neglect my new--and few--blogging friends that I've just made.
Don't worry, I'm not disappearing and this is in no way a farewell. Not at all. This is more of an "I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend to you, this is why, and I hope you'll continue to be my friend anyway" kind of a post. I love the readers and followers I've gotten. I've pushed this blog so far so quickly, and I'm so proud of myself for all I've done. But for the next little while I'm going to have to stay back here and take care of myself and my family more than take care of my blog. I'm still striving to post 2-3 times a week and right after Halloween I'm going to get to work making and selling items for Christmas (plus I've gotten several requests for some specific things), but I just can't find the time to keep up with the rest of it.
Here's what my days have been like:
Bob wakes up with Graham at 6:30am.
I get up and take Graham at 8am so Bob can go study/work.
Graham won't take more than two or three 15 minute naps during the day, so I have no time to do anything without trying to simultaneously take care of him (sweeping, vacuuming, doing dishes, laundry, getting dinner going, etc).
Bob finally gets home around 5 or 6pm.
Graham eats at 6:30pm, gets a bath every other day (or two), then goes to bed at 7pm, after which we have dinner.
Then I finally have a chance to work on my blog and sewing projects, so I stay up until 11 pm working on those.
Bob and I shower and go to bed by midnight (if not later).
I get up with Graham at 4am because that's the one time we can't get him to sleep through (thank goodness he's not waking up at 10pm and 2am anymore).
And then I start it all over again.
It's impossible to do anything more than I have been doing. And I hate that. I hate feeling unproductive. I hate that I can't keep fulfilling this ambitious nature that I've been blessed with. But at the same time, I'm so happy with my family. I definitely prefer to take care of my son over anything else. I just wish I could do both. But it's impossible right now.
Bob's trying to be done with studying and ready to take the state exam for his real estate license by Christmas. He has a job lined up after that and it should take anywhere from 3-6 months after that to finally have enough income to hopefully start looking for our own place. I'm expecting to get out of my in-law's house by April or May (but gosh, what I wouldn't give to get out of here next month!). However, as we know, plans have to be flexible because in my life, they never work out exactly how I hope. But this is what I'm realistically hoping for, because for now I just need something to look forward to since life is so difficult right now.
There are still good times here and there.Last Friday I planned our date night. We watched a movie while eating Dutch apple pie (Bob's favorite) in bed. Then we talked for a while. I feel like I don't ever get to talk with him or spend time with Bob anymore, so it was a really wonderful change from the everyday grind we've been dealing with. But moments like those are far and few between and will probably remain so until after Christmas, if not longer.
Who knows when I'll actually be able to get back into seriously pursuing this blogging dream I've had. It's tough to set my dreams aside for a little while to help my husband to be able to achieve his, but that's what I need to do right now so that we can get out of this house and into our own as soon as possible. I know that won't be the solution to everything and it will likely present new challenges, but I have a very sure feeling that once we're to that point, I'll be able to be a better blogger. The reasons are many, even if you doubt me there.
So, will you please keep reading my posts? Will you please continue following me and showing me love and support even if I have a hard time reciprocating it? I know, that's not very fair. But I am doing the best I can right now, and I'm in need of some friends to see me through these next several months. After that, I know I'll be in a better place physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And once I get to that point I promise I will be there to see you through whatever tough times come your way. I'll pay it all back to you when you're in need, because you deserve it and I'll owe it. Plus, we're friends and that's what friends do, regardless of why we became friends.